Do you realise you truly are your own worst critic? And that the only person hurting you, is you?
Let's take a minute and contemplate exactly where your life is at right now. It is tough, tougher than it has been in quite some time. You're dealing with hearbreak, loss, a complete shift in your life as you've known it for a long, long time. On top of that you're still trying to manage a really intensive college course, a hectic (and passionate) job, and trying to fit in a social life somewhere too. Some people have sat across the table from you and asked "how do you do it?". Some have wondered why you're not in a heap on the floor. That doubt has gotten into your brain on many occasions, and you've started to ask yourself "what am I doing?" and "what is the point in all this?"
But have you looked in the mirror? Look at you, with your head held high, still standing, still breathing. What you're looking at right there is called 'resilience' and it is one of your most beautiful features. It really does suit you, y'know. Applaud yourself. It might not feel like you have a lot right now, it might seem as though everything is slowly drifting out of your reach, and that's difficult. But hold on to that resilience and don't you dare let it go.
Kimberley, you might be scared of anything and everything right now. Some days, it's hard to leave the house when you're feeling how you are. But every time you face that challenege, even if you only take the smallest of steps, you're actually taking a massive leap. Right now, it might seem as though the progress is so slow that it's actually non-existent, but don't be fooled. That's just That part of your brain that likes to tell you otherwise. Well listen to me - you have a choice not to listen to That part anymore. Listen to those around you, those people who love you who tell you how they can see you recovering. Look at their expression when they tell you how proud they are of what you've accomplished. Let their words of encouragement be music to your ears, and drink it in.
It's easy to feel as though every setback is a lot worse than it is. A relapse is okay. Some days, you won't be able to conquer the world, and there's nothing wrong in that. You are human, just like everyone else. Your limitations are temporary, your fear will not shape your future, and you know this in your heart. Even when all you can do is cry, remember that it is just one day, and there's a chance to make tomorrow a better one.
Please, be kind to yourself, because how can you expect to love if you don't love yourself?
Your experiences have made you the person you are today. Your scars tell a story. Your weaknesses can be turned into your strengths, as long as you know how to use them correctly. Just think - if you hadn't of done everything you had, would you be where you are today? Of course not. Yes, it would be better if you didn't have to experience the pain, but this is just a part of a life. Everyone experiences this, and you need this pain to make you a stronger person. Just look at how you've coped with pain over the years. This time round, you're going to heal even quicker, I just know it.
You are on a weird and wonderful emotional rollercoaster, and most of the time, it's just so scary that you want to get off. But you know what? Even this rollercoaster has to come to an end at some point, and you'll get off it feeling stronger than you ever thought possible.
This new chapter coming up in your life is called Recovery. And here's a little spoiler - it's absolutely wonderful. I think it's going to be your favourite part yet.
All my love,