Well it's been a while since I last posted, and looking back at my last post updating you on my life, I was definitely feeling positive! Whilst some of this has waned a bit, I'm really happy to say that I worked things out with my new job and have started college on Thursday and Fridays. I don't know what it is, but I always seem to do a lot at once when I'm feeling positive! I think this will be great for me though. I've already met a couple of people I sit next to in class, and it's great to be part of a fantastic adult learning environment. My class is full of such a diverse range of people from all walks of life, and it's great to not feel singled out or having to fit in, which was something I was extremely anxious about. I've met people who are parents, who have been out of study for over 30 years and people who don't speak English as their first language. I have such admiration for all of them, and it's so inspiring to be a part of this journey with everyone.
I'm studying Government and Politics, Sociology and Psychology. I still have my doubts about Government and Politics but I'm trying to stick with it! I actually can't explain how fantastic the teachers already are, and I've spoken to my tutor about appointments I may need to go to. I was nervous about having that conversation but the support has been phenomenal after only two weeks. It's great to know that I've got that network around me.
Yesterday was my second session with the new team I'm seeing. I have a case worker who seems really nice, but we've not got very far yet in terms of treatment. Group therapy sessions have been suggested, but I'm not too keen on them after some disappointing experiences with them before, but I'm trying to remain open. Have any of my readers felt that these sort of sessions work? I'd like to know what you think.
My next step is having a psychologist appointment. For some reason, I'm stuck on the idea that I want a diagnosis. Whilst I talked about The Man a lot when I was in CAMHS, no one ever told me the reasons for him being around, and I'd like to know what he wants. My case worker said it was unlikely that I would have a diagnosis anytime soon which I feel a bit disheartened about but I'm trying to remain level - headed and realise that a rush in diagnosis isn't necessarily a good thing, and I'd rather they spent the time getting it right than putting me on another path and it turns out to be the wrong one.
One thing that did come up again yesterday was the possibility of anti-psychotic medication. Hmm... My case worker knew immediately that I felt unsure. Has anyone had any experience of this certain medication? I've not confirmed that it's something I will definitely go with as I'd rather not be taking another form of medication, but, yet again, I'm going to be open-minded as much as I can. I think part of it is my Emetophobia as well that makes me think that maybe it will make me ill or sick, and it just causes another doubt to crop up in my mind. We'll see, so watch this space!
Good news though - I had my bursary confirmed for the International Association for Youth Mental Health Conference 2013 in Brighton! I'm so pleased, and feel incredibly excited and extremely anxious all at the same time. Jonny (who presented Failed By the NHS) will be coming too, and we'll be talking more about the programme as guest speakers at the conference. There's going to be a heck of a lot of people, but I'm viewing this as an amazing opportunity with people coming from all over the world to attend. I'm also extremely grateful that a bursary will be given to my partner, James, so he can come along as my "safe person." I'm honoured to be doing this on behalf of Youthspace who have been brilliant at organising this for Jonny and myself.
With only seven weeks to go until I get married, my blog posts may be a bit slack so apologies in advance! Trying to cram everything in is going to be tough, but I like having a certain amount of pressure as it motivates me to keep going and stay focused.
I'd be really happy to hear your thoughts on the questions I asked in the post, so please leave a comment below if you'd like to share your opinions.
Also, I'd like to just do a little plea to ask whether you could donate just a couple of £'s to my sister who is skydiving in only two weeks time for Mind. She's very very very nervous and this is a BIG thing for her, and of course this charity is so close to my heart that any donations will be gratefully received. You can donate online here - http://www.doitforcharity.com/fgiles
Here's some more links that relate to things I've talked about in this post:
International Association for Youth Mental Health Conference 2013
Mind - The Mental Health Charity
Love to you all x