Thursday, 25 April 2013

My '15 minutes of fame'...

I wouldn't quite call it that but spending the day with Nine Lives Media is something I won't be forgetting anytime soon..!

Appearing on TV has never been a part of the 'big plan' - I can't really stand any sort of attention, and the thought of appearing on a national television channel has been incredibly daunting. The past few days have meant my stomach has been in knots, and it's been hard to concentrate at work in particular. Restless nights and funny dreams in between the broken sleep are a sign I'm stressing out, but knowing the reasons behind this left me feeling excited in the end.

Friday morning was obviously stressful. I knew the crew were coming at 11am, and the house needed to be spotless. Cue one frantic Kim cleaning the house and using her sister's bedroom as a storage warehouse for the day PLUS I had woken up realising my eyebrows looked flippin' awful so somehow I squeezed in getting my eyebrows waxed (why do these things just creep up on us ladies?!)

Our day started with a general interview first thing, talking about my personal experience and my own mental health journey. It was definitely tiring - it always is when you're going over something you've gone over a hundred times with doctors. But this time, the tiredness was 100% worth it. Despite the odd giggle here and there, I soon got used to the cameras in the lounge, and I felt comfortable talking to Johnny the presenter. Knowing that I was talking about something so personal to help other people gave me such a sense of achievement, and will definitely be one of my proudest moments to date.

We trekked into the city centre to visit the shop I have got my wedding dress from. It all felt a bit strange considering I'd already picked my dress! We picked out three completely different and random dresses, in the hope that I wouldn't be trying on something similar to what I already had, and  it would be unlikely I'd fall in love with a whole new dress. Then I tried on dress number three. Oh dear - I fell in love with it! With it's Jenny Packham style, I felt like something out of a vintage literature novel, and I was surprised how much I loved the dress considering as to how completely different it was.

Anyway... enough of dress talk. After a quick stop for a bite to eat it was tie to head on back to mine for more interviewing, a feature of this very blog, and a chat with my other half, James (who was incredibly anxious about going on camera, bless!)

It was a tiring day, but not one I'll forget any time soon. The people at Nine Lives Media were lovely, and it was just so nice to put faces to peoples names after exchanging goodness knows how many emails and text messages. They made me feel completely relaxed and helped me realise I was making doing something so positive from something that has always been a burden to me I suppose.

Next week sees me going all the way to the Lake District for a Mindfulness retreat. Exciting and petrifying are the two words I would use to describe how I feel about this... travelling? For that long? On a train? AND staying there?! I'm praying I can do it, I know it's almost necessary for me to go for my own wellbeing but the thought is completely daunting to me right now. I struggle eating at places I don't know, and leaving behind all my home comforts is terrifying. Keep your eyes peeled for how it all went very soon..! x

Friday, 5 April 2013

Eeek! It's been a month!

Apologies for the delay in posting! Things have been mega hectic and I shall explain why..!

It's been confirmed that I will be appearing in a documentary on BBC Three for their mental health season, thanks to Nine Lives Media. I am extremely nervous and yet incredibly excited all at the same time! I've never been on television before, and as I will be talking about my personal experiences, it's going to be a tough one. I'm not quite sure how my friends and family will find me talking about something so personal, but so far everyone has been incredibly supportive. I'm so glad of the fact that I am working towards breaking down the stigma around mental health though, and on such a potentially large scale. It's a massive step for me and a massive step for the breakdown of stigma in general.

I'm also grateful to Nine Lives Media as they have arranged for me and the other contributors to the documentary to take part in a Mindfulness course! Mindfulness is a fantastic technique and even my GP is a big fan of it, and was glad to hear I was having access to something like this. I have been waiting through the NHS Wellbeing Service for the same sort of thing, and I never really heard anything more after first being signed off last year. Little did I know though that I would be going to the Lake District though! I head down for the 19th April and am there for the weekend, staying in a beautiful cottage. Due to my anxiety I am nervous about travelling so far, especially as I won't know anyone! But as my other half quite rightly said, the chances are is that I will be with people on a very similar wavelength to me.

Another thing in the pipeline is a potential volunteering opportunity at Mind! I am INCREDIBLY excited about this, and I'm going to speak to them on Monday about how I can get involved. It involves finding resources for people who suffer from mental health problems which is something I would love to be a part of. Fingers crossed Mind think I'm suitable for the role as well!

In terms of my health right now, I'm not doing particularly great I'm afraid to say. Pressures have got to me again and I'm heading back to the doctors this afternoon to discuss my options. I'm lucky enough to have a lot of support, even more so than when I first got signed off work. Fingers crossed that it's a matter of just upping my dosage of Sertraline and just carrying on.

For now, time to sign off. The sun is shining, and that always does me the world of good, so I need to go and make the most of it now I've had some Weetos and am prepared for the day..! Thanks to everyone who has shown their support. xxx