The reason this blog has been a bit quiet of late is due to that little thing call 'Christmas.' It's like it's suddenly popped out of nowhere, and however much I love the festive season, part of me wants it to be over because I'm getting married in less than four months and have other things to concentrate on!
Anyway, now I have a bit of time, I have to write about my fayre I did recently, on December 15th. It was a massive thing for me to achieve, and if I can say so, I'm bloody proud of what I have achieved.
Within a month, I organised a Christmas Fayre. I decided from the outset that I wanted to raise money and awareness for Mind, the mental health charity, after being completely inspired by their Mental Health First Aid Training. I was lucky in the sense that I found a big community centre early on and had an awful lot of interest from stallholders. All in all, we had nearly 40 stalls of homemade gifts, crafts and Christmas goodies, and it was magical.
The Thursday before though, my anxiety went in to absolute over drive. It was the first time I'd gone back to work in five months, and I was just doing a two hour stint on my computer, getting my access back. Obviously, I expected to be anxious, I've learnt that how I felt that day about not wanting to go was completely normal. I hadn't slept, I was tired and irritable, but at the same time so on edge I couldn't sit still. When I left work, I had a voicemail from the community centre. They had double booked one of my halls.
I was devastated. It turns out it was a genuine mistake, they had been so excited that I had managed to get a second hall at the centre they had completely looked past their regular booking on a Saturday morning. So, Thursday afternoon I was crying one minute, then on the phone to stall holders the next, but everyone was incredibly understanding and said that squashing in to one hall would be 'cosy' so I wiped away the tears and got the rest I needed for Saturday.
Friday night, I made t-shirts for myself, my fiancé and my sister, as we were the main organisiers of the Fayre. They had our names on and the Mind and Time To Change logo on, with 'let's end mental health discrimination' on the back. (pictures below!)
Saturday got here so quickly I couldn't believe it. At the crack of dawn, my fiancé and I were up, throwing all our promotional gear we had got from Mind and Time To Change in the back of the car, and my hand painted board to entice passers by. I was so nervous. I was facing my anxiety head on, and it knew what I was trying to do. It knew I was trying to beat it, and at times, it did win. Within the hour, I was in the kitchen with my mum while she was making cups of tea, and I just cried. What was I doing? Not working in five months and then organising all this? So many people relying on me, asking questions, wanting to know where everything was, when I didn't have a clue myself!
But then things changed. I had a Mind Associate who had contacted me earlier in the week, and she wanted to volunteer. She was lovely. She told me how brave I was, organising this so close to Christmas and gave me a hug when I needed it but also a 'come on, we can't stop now, let's keep going' attitude when I needed it. I can't thank her enough for that.
It was what I needed to keep smiling through those tears, and whilst at first I felt like a wreck inside with a plastic smile on, it soon changed, and I realised I was enjoying myself, I was happy, I had done this, no one else, but me, Kim.
And then, a stall holder wanted to talk to me. She said she had a personal question for me. "How did you feel organising this? Did it make you better or worse?" I thought about it before I answered honestly. It had been difficult, there had been tears but overall, knowing I was making a difference was the best thing ever. She went on to talk to me about how she had been suffering from anxiety with extreme panic attacks and wanted the awareness to be better too. We shared our stories about what therapies and helped, and what hadn't and then it hit me that I had set out to make people talk about mental health like they would the weather, and here I was doing exactly that, in a community centre full to the brim of strangers, and I was talking about mental health. Perfect.
After that, people were coming up to me all day. Strangers asking for help, where could they go for more information, and they wanted to tell me (yes, me!) their stories and I hung on to their every word. While some stories saddended or surprised me, I learnt so much that day. I had so many people come up and congratulate me on what I'd done, I didn;t know how to respond. I was overwhelmed and felt I didn't deserve the response, but I will be eternally greatful for those who did give me a big 'well done.' Even stallholders at the end said they wanted me to organise another one!
Coming home was great. I was physically and emotionally shattered but coming home to Twitter and Facebook was so lovely. The comments on my photos, tweets and status updates put tears in my eyes. Never had I had so many people tell me I was making some sort of difference. That day proved my calling in life, to help other people. And if I can change just one persons view on mental health, I know I have made a difference, it's all I need to do.
Here's some piccies I really want to share:
Above: And here's me, before we left, with my t-shirt on that got quite a few comments...:)