Tuesday, 13 November 2012

What it's like...

... to have an 'emet' attack.

I had to post while I was feeling this. I've never done it before, I tend to curl up in a ball and wish the ground would swallow me whole, so my writing may be a bit jumbled.

I'm currently suffering what I like to call an 'emet' attack. It's basically that I don't feel right for whatever reason, and I have the fear I'm going to throw up. Just typing those two words is VERY difficult to me, and using the 'v' word is a bit too big of a step right now.

My IBS was pretty bad over the weekend. I'm not sure why, but random flare-ups are common with IBS so I know this could be part of my problem. I've been stressing about a few things going on in my life, and this sort of thing is the root issue of IBS rearing it's ugly head. But today I have been good! I've kept busy, bought us a nice couple of tables for our living room, sent some letters, done some washing... errands that I can't always do when I'm having a bad day. Now I've had my tea, it feels like my good day has now gone.

My throat feels tight, what a lot of us emetophobics call 'throat nausea' where you might feel nauseous just in that part of your body. I have that, along with a minor stomach ache, and hot cheeks. My heart is also racing, which makes me a little short of breath, despite me not really doing anything other than typing (and trying to gulp down a cup of tea).

I'm trying to tell myself it's just panic - hot flushes are a common sign of anxiety attacks, and the heart racing certainly is. I know that nausea is also a very common side effect of anxiety and IBS, both of which I must remind myself I suffer from. But as an emet, that proves difficult. It might seem easy for you reading this if you don't suffer, if doing the 'dreaded deed' is no different to you than it is brushing your teeth, but for me, it's the most frightening thing I can think of. I know it's down to control, and another tendency of my mental health issues.

Thankfully, I have an incredible fiancé who always seems to know the right thing to say. I've since got my fluffy dressing gown and a cat curled up by my feet watching Heston making an oversized ice - cream to distract myself from my thoughts.