My appointment on the 5th went OK. My doctor asked how I felt about returning to work and whether it was something I wanted to attempt in the new few weeks. That was a hard question to answer - of course I want to work! I want to get up and earn my way like any average person. I want to succeed and progress and achieve, and make a name for myself. But unfortunately it isn't as simple as that.
Right now, I feel I'm doing OK. I've done my Stress Control class, and am looking to take part in three other courses/workshops. I don't want to lose the momentum of doing well, and I'm enjoying spending the time to understand why I am going through what I am and understanding how my mind is working. I've never had the opportunity before, and I feel that going back to work won't give me that option necessarily. That might be just the anxiety talking of course, but I'm determined to give myself the time I need this time round.
The doctor has signed me off for another month. That means I will have been off for over five months now. Sometimes when I think of it like that, I feel disappointed. But more often that not these days I'm realising it's not an awful thing. It's bad in the sense that I let my anxiety control me as much as it did, but it's good that I am finally, and for the first time in my life, taking the time to recover.
I've also taken the time to find out about organisations that help with mental health. Time To Change is something I am particularly interested in, and their aim to get people talking about mental health illnesses rather than shying away from it. I want to get involved, so I've emailed my story with the chance to take part in two documentaries about mental health. If I get picked, I'll probably worry myself to sleep, but at the same time, I'll give a well deserved WHOOP! because I can share my story. FINALLY I'll get heard! So please keep your fingers crossed for me.